if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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