so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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