I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
