The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
