I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She even gives head with a lisp.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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