I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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