Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there was a trapeze. enough said
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
