The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
