i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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