Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
