Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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