Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
