thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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