i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
