I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
