Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
