Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
