i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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