how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
