my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
