have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
