i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
