nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
