At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
