I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
