My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
