im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
