only you would photoshop your dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
