I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
