You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can I color on your dick again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
