We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
