Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
