Your face is a jimmy john
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
