i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
