I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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