Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
