i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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