i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
