yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
