if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
