You're earring is so big in my mouth
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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