Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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