I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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