Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
