he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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