so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
