at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
