just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
