pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
