i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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