I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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