today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
